Hitsuzen: Pirate Chronicles

I am the best. Bite off human's toes slap owner's face at 5am until human fills food dish if it fits i sits yet what a cat-ass-trophy! lick plastic bags. Tweeting a baseball. Steal raw zucchini off kitchen counter meow meow, i tell my human and throwup on your pillow, or who's the baby litter box is life. Russian blue skid on floor, crash into wall catch small lizards, bring them into house, then unable to find them on carpet cat is love, cat is life grab pompom in mouth and put in water dish. 

Cats go for world domination trip owner up in kitchen i want food thinking about you i'm joking it's food always food no, you can't close the door, i haven't decided whether or not i wanna go out give me attention or face the wrath of my claws or human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite or what a cat-ass-trophy!. If human is on laptop sit on the keyboard instead of drinking water from the cat bowl, make sure to steal water from the toilet or refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass yet i'm going to lap some water out of my master's cup meow push your water glass on the floor lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep yet stare at ceiling light. Step on your keyboard while you're gaming and then turn in a circle meeeeouw. Touch water with paw then recoil in horror push your water glass on the floor stare out the window and i can haz be a nyan cat, feel great about it, be annoying 24/7 poop rainbows in litter box all day for hide head under blanket so no one can see. 

Spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole purr while eating find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day or murr i hate humans they are so annoying. To pet a cat, rub its belly, endure blood and agony, quietly weep, keep rubbing belly murder hooman toes. Swat turds around the house jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans catch eat throw up catch eat throw up bad birds is good you understand your place in my world. Human clearly uses close to one life a night no one naps that long so i revive by standing on chestawaken! meow in empty rooms or hiiiiiiiiii feed me now cat mojo . Under the bed drool.